The time I was paid to be high at work 🌿 & a lady lair tour [Like You Know Whatever]
Taurus season, man.
Hi friends!
How are you? I hope you’re doing well! I’m sending this out a day early since it’s 4/20, and I have a weed-related story for you to help you “celebrate.” I also have an exclusive tour of my home office or lady lair, where the magic* happens!
*writing or playing The Sims to avoid writing
Not too much is new with me since I last wrote to ya. Last Friday night, I celebrated a friend’s birthday at a western-themed bar in Hollywood called Desert 5 Spot, where we spotted bro-y Joey from the Netflix reality shows The Circle and The Perfect Match (he looks exactly like he does on TV). The drinks were strooong and I got to break in my cowboy boots that I never wear. Then, on Sunday, I got to go to the chillest bridal shower ever, for another friend getting married at the end of May. There were no stupid games or cringey overly gendered/heteronormative things, just a bunch of ladies chillin’ at a brewery drinking cider and beer and wine and eating cake. I’m very excited for that wedding because it is beyond local, actually at a venue in my own neighborhood. You’re telling me I can party into the night AND sleep in my own bed? Score!
My in-laws are flying into Los Angeles tomorrow night, and I’m looking forward to getting to hang out with them. One of the things we’re doing is taking them to Din Tai Fung, a well-known Taiwanese chain in L.A. (although they also have locations in Vegas, Seattle, and just outside of Portland). Pretty much everything there is delicious, but they’re most known for their xiao long bao, or soup dumplings. I’m getting hungry just thinking about them! They are also famously known, at least by @americanaatbrandmemes, for not seating you until your whole party is present. I get why restaurants do that, but man, I really hate it. I’m not anticipating any issues with that this time, though, since we’ll likely all drive together.
By the way, happy Taurus season! Tauruses are grounded, crunchy, loyal sluts for comfort and routine. Like any zodiac sign with horns, they can be stubborn, and though it takes a LOT to piss them off, once you do, watch out. They are hard workers but sometimes can be victims of inertia and don’t always know when to move on from a job or relationship that’s run its course. They are responsible and dependable yet super chill, and can vibe equally with a day in nature or Netflix on the couch (in super comfy sweatpants, of course). It makes total sense that 4/20 kicks off Taurus season, because Tauruses definitely have stoner qualities. I don’t have any Taurus in my chart (you can do yours here), but I think it’s a great sign.
I often think of my dear friend Jason, whose birthday is tomorrow, as a classic Taurus. (I find it easier to remember certain sign traits when I can ascribe them to a specific person in my life.) He lives in Portland (crunchy!), does yoga every morning (grounded/routine!), and has spent the last decade and a half or so working 12 to 18 hour days in the film industry (hard working!). He actually officiated me and my husband’s wedding (loyal/dependable!). He loves going on a long hike or bike ride in nature as much as he likes sitting down for a three-hour indie film. (Is this starting to read like a dating profile? He’s also single, ladieeessss!) I hope he has a super chill day!
So, what does Taurus season mean for all of us? It’s interesting to me, because it falls right when the weather starts to warm up again and many of us are becoming more social. That kind of contrasts with the homebody nature of Taurus. We are also entering eclipse season, and Mercury is retrograde, which makes everything a little more precarious. I would say, during the next few weeks, stay close to your inner circle and slow your roll a little bit. Aries season was the time to kick off new projects and life decisions, while Taurus is a good time to start to build routines and put systems into place so you can accomplish those goals. And you absolutely must make time to CHILL. Binge watch an old favorite TV show with your partner or have a long picnic in the park with your best buds! Go for the pour-over coffee, even though it takes longer! Put on your best drawstring pants! Learn a new vegetarian chili recipe! Pick up a cozy romance novel! Buy a new plant or throw pillow! Get stoned and take a nap!
Speaking of getting stoned, in honor of 4/20 today, let me share one of my most embarrassing work experiences, from when I worked at CollegeHumor.
The time I was paid to be high at work
CollegeHumor was a dream job for me when I was hired in 2017. I had never gotten to work in comedy before, and even though I wasn’t writing for them or creating content, it still felt like I was where I was meant to be. I was in the ballpark, even if I wasn’t the one running the bases or hitting homers (why do I always end up using sports metaphors? I’m the least athletic person alive). My main role, at least initially, was going back through their archives of hundreds of videos and tagging them all with metadata, which meant that I was literally getting paid to watch comedy videos all day. I truly couldn’t believe my luck. I kind of still can’t.
From time to time, the creative side of the company would have test shoots or run-throughs of show concepts to iron out any kinks in the formats before actually shooting them, and they would need non-cast member volunteers to participate. One such show was Paranoia, a game show hosted by Ally Beardsley where the concept was pretty much like the party game Werewolf, but instead of one person being the secret killer and everyone else being citizens trying to find them out, two people were secretly incredibly stoned, and everyone else was sober, and the sober folks’ job was to root out the stoners. This was possible, of course, because recreational marijuana is legal in California for people over 21. (You can watch a full episode of Paranoia here, it’s pretty fun! I love the graphics.)
Production wanted to do a play-through of the game to make sure that the concept worked, and I thought it sounded hilarious, so I signed up. I loved Werewolf and was actually playing it a lot with friends at that time, and I didn’t really expect to get stoned on company time, given that the majority of people playing the game had to be sober. Frankly, I just didn’t think I’d be that lucky. I was also always trying to get more involved with the creative side of the company, and this seemed like a perfect opportunity to prove how cool and funny I was.
On a Friday afternoon, I took a Lyft (just in case) over to the production designer’s house in Echo Park, where the play-through was being held. His house was a ridiculously lovely bungalow on a steep hill overlooking Sunset Boulevard, and he had a huge backyard with a casita and a little enclosed gazebo area. Because he was a production designer and could build cool shit, he’d rigged up a lighted disco ball in the gazebo that he could turn on with the flip of a switch. It was all very impressive to me, as I can barely replace a lightbulb.
I gathered with a bunch of my other coworkers at a long picnic table that was scattered with snacks from Trader Joe’s, including those dank dark chocolate peanut butter cups (I have a good memory for good snacks). Ally and some of the producers explained the concept of the game. Then, all of us players went to sit in different corners of the backyard and closed our eyes. The producers would come and tap us on the shoulder one by one and bring us back to the far end of the backyard, behind the casita, and tell us what our role was. They played music so that we wouldn’t hear each other walking around.
I waited a while and then got tapped on the shoulder, and went back to be told that, lo and behold, I and one of my coworkers were going to be the lucky (?) stoners for this game. They asked me how often I smoked, a question which I have almost never in my life answered honestly, and certainly not in a “professional” environment. I assured them that I was cool. I took a single, devastating rip from the gravity bong the production designer had built, and ended up coughing so much that I instantly looked like a complete loser. It was very embarrassing. I felt like I was 18 again and getting in over my head smoking schwag out of an apple that my friend’s sketchy boyfriend had made into a pipe. They gave us eyedrops and Febreezed us before we went back to sit with the others, to try to make our status as stoners less obvious.
I went back to sit down and closed my eyes, and that’s when I started to realize I was in trouble. I was EXTREMELY high. I suddenly felt like it was very inappropriate that I was so stoned at a work event, that I’d screwed up somehow. But then, they’d asked me to get stoned, hadn’t they? They’d provided the bong and told me to rip it. It was all very confusing, even more so in my drug-addled state. Still, I was determined to win the game and prove my value as a creative collaborator, even though this wasn’t being filmed or used for anything. I was going to do the best at this, and then everyone would think I was cool and funny and want me to be more involved with creative things.
Eventually, everyone had been assigned their roles, so we opened our eyes and returned to the picnic table. Some people were giggling and acting high even though they weren’t, which was part of the game. I just stayed quiet, terrified of giving myself away. Everything was happening twice as slowly as usual. I felt like I was looking at the world through a fisheye lens, and my breathing seemed way too loud.
Then Ally asked everyone to close their eyes except for the two stoners, who were supposed to point to the person they wanted to “kill.” My fellow stoner pointed to one person, and I pointed to another. “Uh, stoners, you both have to choose the same person to kill,” Ally said.
“OHHHHHHHH, okay,” I said.
Out. Loud.
I had completely given myself away and ruined the whole game before it even started! The entire backyard burst into laughter that went on for AGES. My fellow players were shaking with laughter as they tried to still keep their eyes closed, unclear on whether the game would continue or not. Ally was doubled over, the producers were crying. My jaw had dropped to the floor when I’d realized what I’d done, then I buried my face in my hands in shame. What a fucking lightweight! My first time ever participating in a company run-through, and I’d totally BLOWN IT!
Once everyone finally stopped laughing, I profusely apologized over and over again. The game was temporarily paused as I was escorted away to the gazebo by an executive producer, who was way nicer to me than he needed to be. “No, it’s actually good that that happened,” he said, “Because it could be something that really happens during a game, and we’d have to know how to handle it.” He told me to just chill out there and watch the sunset. I’d left my bag and my phone somewhere else in the backyard but was too afraid to bother anyone to get it after I’d just ruined the whole game (remember, I was also extremely stoned and anxious), so instead, I did indeed watch the sunset over Sunset and stared up at the spinning disco ball above (did I mention that it rotated, too?).
Eventually, as everyone else played additional rounds of the game, other stoners were brought back to the gazebo with me (since once they played one round as a stoner, they obviously couldn’t go back to being a sober citizen). We didn’t end up talking much. I guess that that gravity bong had fucked everyone up pretty equally. To my knowledge, though, I’m still the only one who’d outed themselves as a stoner before the first person had even been “killed.” And while I was never again asked to be a part of a run-through, I did manage to swipe some of those dark chocolate peanut butter cups on the way out, so overall, I’d say it was a win.
* * *
I hope you enjoyed that story! It was humiliating at the time, but quite funny in retrospect, I think, like so many of my favorite personal stories.
Let’s get into this newsletter’s part 2: electric boogaloo, which features:
An exclusive tour of my home office/lady lair
First, I have to warn you that this email may appear clipped in your inbox due to all the images, for which I apologize. You can always read the full thing on my Substack page here.
It was a huge, huge step up for Ross and I when we were able to find a three-bedroom apartment that we could afford in 2021, meaning we could each have our own offices. Without getting too cheesy here, having “a room of one’s own” is a dream come true. While I’ve loved getting to work together with Ross to make our shared spaces a home, having a space that is just mine for the first time after almost 10 years of living together in one bedroom apartments was very, very dope.
So, without further adieu, please come tour the goblin cave where I write most of these newsletters!
I slapped a poster for The Craft on the door because it’s one of my favorite movies and, I don’t know if you can see this, but it says “Welcome to the witching hour” on it. I like to think of this poster as welcoming you into my witchy teenage girl lair. There’s also a scratching post hanging from the door because if the door is even slightly closed, my cat, Zadie will scratch on it to get in.
Behind the door is a bunnnch of my clothes hanging from hooks, an earring organizer on the wall, and a creepy painting of a small child that I bought at an antique store when I was studying abroad in Prague my junior year of college. If you zoom in real close on the painting, you can see Prague Castle, and a statue of Stalin that was torn down in 1962. My husband, Ross, HATES this painting with a passion (he says the child is creepy) and wouldn’t let me put it up in either of our two previous apartments, but I hung onto it and finally got to put it up here, in my office, behind the door where Ross will never have to look at it. 😂
This is my very small and perilously packed closet! As you can see, the center bar is warped. It was like that when I moved in, and I’m terrified that any day now, everything will collapse. I keep the closet open because I like looking at my clothes, they’re colorful and make me happy. There’s a Clueless poster because that’s my favorite movie, and a bag I got as swag from Google on the floor because I took a course on YouTube copyright policies once for my job. It’s actually a pretty nice beach bag! I got the little red devil/skeleton dude hanging on the wall the first time I went to Mexico City.
This is what the far wall of the room looks like. There is a bunch of art on the floor that I haven’t decided what to do with yet. I was originally going to hang it up over my couch, but then I wallpapered that wall, and I sit in front of it for Zoom meetings often and like the way it looks with just the wallpaper pattern behind me, uncomplicated. The lamp has sand and fake succulents and pieces of rose quartz inside its base. I “made” it myself, and it was useful in our old apartment, but I have nowhere to put it now but can’t bear to throw it out. You might also spot the tripod over there that I’ve been using to make TikToks. The little mushroom is technically a stool but it is tiny and very precarious, so it’s mostly just for vibes.
Here’s a close-up on some of the art on my gallery wall. Clockwise from the top left: 1) a Barbie mugshot I got on Society6; 2) a Cali love print I think I bought when I was visiting San Francisco?; 3) a custom Kurt & Courtney piece I commissioned from Ali Segel (I don’t think she’s doing art anymore but you can still buy from her store here); 4) a photo of my dad and I dancing at my wedding; 5) a classic Laura Collins print of LiLo, Britney, and Paris.
More art! Clockwise from top left: 1) a print of Fabio getting attacked by a goose on a rollercoaster (a seminal pop culture moment) by Jessie Weinberg; 2) an adorable picture of Ross about to throw the bouquet at our wedding; 3) a pink plastic mirror I bought at a dollar store ages ago; 4) a print from Grace Miceli, who created the banner art for Like You Know Whatever!; 5) a mushroomy print from Marisol Muro; 6) another print from Laura Collins, of an Olsen twin hiding behind her bag from the paparazzi; 7) a print from artist Naoshi that I lusted after for years.
This beautiful bar cart was a five year anniversary gift from a friend of Ross and mine (it was the “wood” anniversary), and even though we already had a bar cart, we decided to keep it because it’s so gorgeous and was so thoughtful of her. That black cardboard box is my special edition Renaissance box, which I keep crystals in (I like to think that Beyoncé’s energy keeps them permanently charged). Also on top is a painting of a Pizza Hut, some regular candles from Anecdote Candles and Trader Joe’s, and some magic candles from House of Intuition (as you can see, I’m seeking more balance in my life). Below that are gray and white cloth bins where I keep all my clutch purses and makeup bags, and to the right are white plastic shelves where I store extra makeup. There’s also a little step stool where I lay my makeup brushes to dry after I wash them, and a Book of the Month box I have yet to fully unpack (excited to read this one!). Look closely and you can also spot the white sound machine I use for my video therapy sessions.
To the right of the bar cart is my desk, which I used to use as an actual desk (peep the giant monitor still on it), but now I use as a makeup table/vanity. The little white rectangle is a light-up makeup mirror that has changed my life, and I have two pink heart-shaped bowls, one for clean beauty blenders, and one for dirty ones. This is about as clean as it gets. In the silver case in the bottom right is even more makeup. Don’t look too closely at the pile of papers on top of those books, that has our lease renewal form and all Ross and my tax info for this year. (I’m going to file it, I promise.)
To the right of my desk is this cat tree. Here is Zadie yawning on top of it, with the poor thing’s one remaining little fang. When she’s not sitting on her perch like an angel, she is usually either on my desk chair, or sitting in my lap on the couch.
To the right of the cat tree is this lovely, overstuffed Ikea bookcase. I really need to get another one, I am running out of room. At the tippy top is a plushie of famed L.A. mountain lion P-22 (RIP) sitting on top of a stack of old BUST Magazines for which I was the Music Editor (I keep meaning to scan my clips, but oh well). Other highlights of this bookshelf include: a Frida Kahlo doll I bought outside of her house in Mexico City, a blue “siren” candle from a voodoo shop in New Orleans, a fake Oscar (the real ones are much bigger) for “Best Me” that I bought for a sketch show years ago, and a Pagan Cats set of tarot cards.
Next to the bookcase is a Classic Crap Pile™ (and quite honestly, you’re lucky there aren’t more on this tour because I cleaned up a few weeks ago for my parents). In this pile: my Caboodle, read and unread books, extra pink legal pads, recent unread BUST Magazines, and Settlers of Catan, all sitting on top of a big plastic bin containing my old podcasting equipment.
At last, here is where the magic really happens. The wallpaper is peel-and-stick from Spoonflower, supposedly removable, and I put it up all by myself, of which I’m very proud. I think this couch looks pretty cute, but it is incredibly uncomfortable. Still, I spend a ton of time sitting on it and writing, which is horrid for my poor back. The yellow table is actually from a patio set. I was trying to buy one patio table and four patio chairs but figured out it was actually cheaper to buy two sets of one patio table and two patio chairs, and this extra table ended up being the perfect height for me to work on my laptop from the couch. Funny how things work out.
On the left side, there, you can see my work laptop bag (“Forever Busy”) and my copy of Smitten Kitchen Keepers with many pages bookmarked, which I am constantly flipping through for recipe ideas. I’m also pretty obsessed with my pink Owala water bottle, it’s the best. But yeah, this is pretty much the set-up when I’m writing these! Sometimes I have a coffee or a can of wine instead of a Celsius, but that’s it.
And that concludes our tour, and this newsletter! I hope that was enjoyable and not a total bore.
Don’t forget to like and comment on this newsletter if you feel so moved–you can use the buttons at the bottom or the top. You can also give someone the gift of a subscription to Like You Know Whatever if you’d like—maybe you have a Taurus friend with a birthday coming up who likes long, confessional emails?
Until next time—get comfy.
Love,
Liz
XOXO